Catholicinlimbo's Blog

{August 20, 2011}   The stock portfolio of America

Last night I saw the Charlie Rose program on PBS. I, along with many other respected individuals, highly respect Charlie Rose and his interviews with people who are prominent in their field. Last night he had two highly intelligent economists as his guests and they were fervently discussing the condition of the stock market and the American politics that have affected it. I was taken aback by what they were saying and how they were saying it. Their foreheads were beading with sweat, and I could almost imagine their mouths salivating as they discussed what our politicians must do to increase the stock value of our country, as if it were a commodity or a percentage point on their stock portfolio rather than a nation of people. Their speech gained momentum, as if fueled by their greedy ambition, as they discussed how another stimulus plan could be the answer to America’s value in the stock market.
Is this really what we have come to? As I was watching this program it became so clear to me for the first time what our great nation really needs to fix itself. You see, there have been too much focus on investing and percentages and money that we lost focus on what is really important, and it’s time we went back to our roots. Investing in the stock market does not generate money, it just simply moves it. Why not invest the money into a new business, a homeless shelter, a food pantry, a farm, a new home for your elderly parents? There is so much good one can do for others. The problem in our country is not the poor economy, it’s the poverty of our spirit;  It is not the devaluation of the dollar, it’s the devaluation of our dignity and humanity.  In fact, devaluation of the dollar could be the solution. Our problem is we forgot to focus on the people, on helping each other, loving each other, volunteering our time in our communities, and helping each other make it in a tough world.
America has been through this before. The roaring 20’s lead to the Great Depression. In the 20’s people became selfish, focused on the percentage points in the stock market, moral values were questioned, and then God helped us by taking away the biggest obstacle to our true happiness, he took away the stock market. When that happened, it surely did affect many people. Many fell into poverty and had to relearn how to earn an honest living, how to depend upon loved ones, and how to be appreciative for everything they had. Humility came back into our society and we were blessed for it. People returned to God and became so much more than they were before, they became the people God intended us to be. That was my Great Grandparents generation, and they tried to teach us the lessons they learned: Don’t buy what you can’t afford, always help your neighbor, family is the valuable commodity, and your word is more reliable than a legal contract. Those lessons are being forgotten. We returned to the Roaring 20’s, and then best thing God could do for us is to take away the number one distraction to the truth, and that is our damn stock portfolio. If our country and our dollar loses its credit rating and the valuation of the United States becomes undesirable, then the focus would no longer be on greed and investments, it would be a focus on making our people a great people again. Those that keep close to family and neighbors and help each other through the crisis would be the ones that survive, the ones that prosper spiritually and financially. We need this. We need humility and charity, for that is why God has blessed our nation to begin with.
Folks, this economic downturn is not the problem, it’s the solution. It will be a hard transition, but if you put your reliance on God and each other in humility and charity, you will be given a dignity that money could never buy.
Put all your trust in the Lord. Surrender your life to Him that created you and your life will change, you will be taken care of, you will be protected, and more importantly, you be the person you have always thought you could not be. You will see what real power is. It’s so funny to me when I think about the Bill Gates, the Bilderburgs, and the extremely wealthy of this world. They really think they have all the power, when really they are just a kid with magnifying glass thinking they have the power of the whole sun. Ridiculous. I have felt and seen God’s power, and it is nothing what people think of as power. God has taken down the great powers of the world (Communism in USSR comes to mind), and He can give it back. Those that live like kings now cannot buy their way out of death…but those who are humble and love the Lord can defeat death, and money has nothing to do with it….that, my friend, is real power.
I have a feeling that someday, in my lifetime, everyone will see that us humans have no power regardless of our “stock portfolio”. We will all see what real power is, God’s power, the power of large groups of believers loving and helping their neighbors, rebuilding our nation. Money won’t buy that.
Stay faithful and full of prayer. Make a point to go to confession every week. My family has been doing that and it is amazing how clear everything is. Confusion is gone and peace is in our home. Fear does not dwell here and truth is revealed so clearly to us. Confession is one of the most important things to do to be able to hear God clearly everyday.
God bless you all.


{July 4, 2011}   We must pray for Bill Gates

Why must we pray for a man who is one of the richest men in the world?  Seems like he is one to be envied, not prayed for, but there is a deeper issue with Mr. Gates.  Many see him as a generous philanthropist, giving generously to third world countries out of the kindness of his heart, but that is simply not true, there is a deeper agenda.  He is sending immunizations to countries in South America and Africa that are not needed…why?  Because he is working with a pharmaceutical company combining certain immunizations with a sterilization agent…his goal is to sterilize the poor citizens of those countries.  It is his way of killing their population.  Suspicions arise when he sent these so-called immunizations to be given only to women between the ages of 15-35.  Women in Tanzania, for example, who have had these injections have not been able to bare children.  One woman was able to give birth after six years of trying, only to have her child die for unknown causes a few days after birth.  A missionary with a medical background in South America started to become suspicious of his generosity when he flew thousands of immunizations for a disease that was not a threat to the local population.  She tested the immunizations and found an agent she did not recognize.  She then rejected further shipments.

Unfortunately, we must always be suspicious of those who spend thousands or millions of their own money for “charitable” causes who do not have a religious belief.  For someone who is so wealthy, who do not know what it is the “want”, why would he be hurting these people?  Unfortunately, when people, especially the wealthy, do not know our purpose here on earth and do not know the love of our Father in Heaven, they have a deep emptiness they don’t know how to fill.  They are easily manipulated by the evil one because deny evil’s reality.  They are fooled into believing they are the masters of this universe and separate themselves from what God uniquely gave to us…our sense of humanity, our conscience, our original innocence.  The more we get away from that essence, the more empty we feel, the more the need to fill that emptiness, and the evil one is there to oblige.

We need to pray for his conversion.  With his money, he can do so much good in this world.  What Tanzania needs are roads, filtered water, tools for cultivating, an uncorrupted government, and the rest will fall into place.  Pray that the wealthy find our Lord and come to understand His undying Love for them, fulfill them, bring them true happiness, and use their influence for good, not evil.

Truth always reveals itself eventually.  Does Mr. Gates want to be remembered as a monster in disguise, or does he want to be remembered as an incredible man who changed the world for the better, and forever be remembered as a hero?  He has the opportunity for just that.  We all die, even the rich, the only thing that we leave behind is our legacy.  Mother Theresa was poor, yet she had the power, through our Lord, to change the world, to influence the world, and memory of her will live on forever.

Maybe Mr. Gates really believes he is trying the change the world for the better, but nobody can do that without God.  They may be able to change the world, but not for the better.  We see God’s enormous power through His beloved creation.  Nature is His creation, and in one swoop nature knocked out the nuclear power plants in Japan recently, with hardly the effort.  Those power plants were created by very smart powerful people, but that was still no match for nature.  This should prove to be a reminder on how powerless we really are and how dependent we all are on God’s mercy, for only He can prevent such tragedies if we collectively ask Him to.

Look, I know many people refuse to believe what I just posted.  We are so influenced by the media, and want to believe the good of people and not the evil.  I’m not asking you take my word for it, but it doesn’t hurt to pray for them regardless of the truth.

Lately, I feel lead to pray a Novina for these wealthy individuals, one at a time, starting with Mr. Gates.  Please join me in this prayer, for prayer is very powerful, and we are called as Christians to pray for each other, especially our leaders and our enemies.  Jesus Himself told us we don’t know what real power is, let us entrust us that power only to Him.

Let us pray deeply for those who have extreme wealth.  Pray the Lord fulfills them and brings them back to the innocence they once had.

{May 13, 2011}   No longer in Limbo!

Well, the last few weeks have be literally crazy.  I wasn’t sure I would survive.  My husband became Catholic on Easter, the following Wednesday we had our marriage blessed, my beloved brother came to visit for a week, and just yesterday I finished my last final test for college.  Whew!  God is great, only with His help could I have done all of this and not lose my mind…or my grades for that matter.  A miracle happed.  I got a B in Microeconomics!  I wouldn’t have been happy with a C, believing I would not do well.  I put it in God’s hands and got a 90% on my final.  Same with math, I ended with a B+, and then my Political Science classes had A’s.  If I thought for a second I could do all of this on my own, I would be a fool, and mama didn’t raise no fool 🙂 

I have to say, after our marriage was blessed and is now recognized in the church, I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  I feel like I can participate in religious activities without reservation.  I always felt like I cannot represent Christianity if I am living in sin, or if I haven’t resolved a sin from the past.  It is all resolved now, and I am clean.  It is so wonderful to receive Christ with my husband on Sunday mornings.  It is wonderful to be free.  Sin gives you chains…Christ gives you wings.  This is how I have been visualizing this transition in my marriage and in my own soul.  When one wrong is righted, it has such a domino effect in every other area in my life.  Now, it is time for us to work with our kids spirituality.  Now that I am out of school for the summer, I am going to dedicate our family to rosary prayer.  I just pray my kids understand Christ’s love and will always accept Him in their lives.  I think it’s their generation that is going to bear a heavier cross than my generation.  They need all the prayers in the world for strength and fortitude.  Well, this is my last post, so I will end it with this:

May we all never forget our dependence on our Lord, always pray for the right words to say and things to do, and always pray for each other, especially those that offend us the most.  May we remember that when we help each other, we are helping Jesus, and when we hurt each other, we are hurting Jesus.  May we never forget.  Amen.

{April 27, 2011}   …one quick note

I will be making one more post after tonight. Then I will start a different journey and no longer be in “limbo”…

{April 27, 2011}   Final Annulment Journey!

Well, we are finally at the finish line on this annulment journey.  Our annulments were finally approved through the church, and Patrick received his First Communion during the Easter Vigil last Saturday night.  Now, the last step on our journey is going to be tonight.  We will appear in front of the altar and have our marriage blessed and recognized by the Catholic Church.  I feel like this is not the end of our journey, I feel like it is just the beginning.  I didn’t expect to have these feelings, I expected to feel like “wow, finally we are done with that!”, but no, we are not done.  I feel like once we step onto the steps of the altar, that will be the first step away from stagnation, and then once we step back off the altar steps, that will be the first step on our real journey in this life on Earth together.  But, that still does not adequately decribe my feelings.  It’s so much more than just Patrick and myself, I can’t help but feel like this is all that had to happen in order for us to do God’s work, something pre-planned, something important.  Something that goes beyond my family.  I feel like we were sleeping for the last eleven years, and tonight we are going to awaken and get to work…whatever that may be, come what may.  Or, maybe I’m just crazy.  Crazy actually might be a good adjective to use for me lately.  With school finals around the corner, working over time, holidays, and marriage blessings one would have to be a little crazy to tackle all of that at once.  Only through God’s help can I manage.  He certainly has helped me with my daily tasks, and He is changing me as well.  I feel that with each step of this annulment process my spirituality is changing, becoming deeper, more mature.  This is not merely annoying paperwork, this is serious, this is necessary to live in accordance with Him, and I am happy to please our Father…finally!

{February 9, 2011}   Annulment Journey 25

I think I had a panic attack today.  It was right before lunch and I felt uncomfortable butterflies in my stomach, I felt my heartbeat pound harder, and my thoughts raced to ideas of doom.  It was all based on the overwhelming schedule I have with work, school, and family.  Among other subjects, I am taking a Microeconomics and Algebra, both of which are harder than learning some ancient Asian language.  In fact, I don’t think the books are written in English at all.  I mean, the words look like English, sound English, but definitely NOT English as I know English.  Anyway, it’s kicking my ass and overwhelming me entirely, at least today it did.  When I clocked out for lunch, I rushed to the chapel at Sacred Heart and to my relief the Holy Sacrament was exposed.  I said a rosary and asked John Paul II, Mary, and my female relatives to pray for me.  Thank God I’m Catholic.  I couldn’t be alone at that hour, but at the same time I couldn’t be with another physical person either.  I wanted to be alone, but I didn’t want to be alone…ever had that feeling?  I wasn’t alone.  I didn’t feel alone.  I received everything I needed to receive, because that’s how my Father rolls!  On my drive home I had an interesting thought.  I had an idea enter my mind, which was not from me alone, and that idea was that I have a great opportunity with this stress I was feeling.  This suffering was a gift.  A gift?  Suffering a gift?  Yes!  I was so overly confident, I was so egotistical, I was so into myself because of the straight A’s I received last semester that I forgot to give all of the glory to God.  Sure, I told people it was God that helped me with those grades, but I have to be honest with myself, there was some internal bragging.  Pride is everyone’s downfall.  So, God said, “looks like you don’t need any help from me since you think you can do it all yourself” and then He removed his hand of protection.  I realized just how much I lost.  I will never make the mistake in thinking that anything great or wonderful I may accomplish comes from me alone.  Nothing is possible without Him.  We are trapped in this body of flesh that was created to be limited, so it is illogical to think I could do these tasks on my own.  Only through God could we achieve the impossible.  I thanked Him for removing his hand long enough for me to remember how dependant I really am on Him.  That uncomfortable feeling of anxiety has mysteriously disappeared.  Imagine that.  How great is our God?  My ultimate goal is not to have a degree, it’s not to get the best grades, the better career, the most well-behaved family…no.  My ultimate goal is to be in communion with my Father, even if it means I have to suffer a bit to get there.  So be it, so let it be done.  Silly how easily I forget these lessons.  How lucky I am that He is as patient as He is, and as forgiving as He is.  I don’t know it all, I don’t know His Will or His plan.  He knows these things, and I am alright with just following Him without complicating it with what I think I know.  It’s easier to just let self go, and let Him in.  If I don’t let myself die, He cannot be born in me.

{February 7, 2011}   Annulment Journey 24

I saw something on the news that is quite interesting.  It is a short news reel that I will provide the link.  It only last a couple minutes, but believe me, it’s worth watching.  Pay close attention to the last few seconds of the video and tell me what that looks like to you.

{January 21, 2011}   Annulment Journey 23

I finished my first week back to BSU and I am officially a Junior!  I am much more excited about this semester because I am now getting into the classes that correspond with my major, except for math, my one last core requirement.  I don’t know if I mentioned this before but I am majoring in Political Science with a minor in English and Economics.  I get asked all the time why I chose to major in poli sci and the answer I usually give is, I don’t know, it’s an interesting subject for me; Or, I would say, so I can manage campaigns or work as an aid to a governor or senator, however, the truth is a bit different.  I mean, I wasn’t lying when I gave those answers, but there is definately more to it.  The full truth is, I am so sick and tired of what is going on in this country and in this world.  It seems we have leaders who have lost their faith and their spines.  It seems like the leaders are only in for themselves.  This country and this world needs leaders who care, who are selfless, who are able to put themselves aside and sacrifice themselves for the greater good.  Weren’t there leaders like that at one time?  Didn’t we have true heroes that changed lives and inspired the weary?  Where are these people?  So, instead of complaining about it, maybe, just maybe I can inspire someone in this field to stand up and make a difference.  Truths are being revealed in the world right now.  The world is telling us we are taking her for granted.  Animals are dying of unknown causes, weather patterns are becoming dangerous, and horrors are being revealed in the abortion industry.  Just recently, an abortion doctor and his staff were arrested for murder.  He is an M.D. and he brutally murdered babies by taking scissors and severing their spinal cords, and this was after they were already born alive.  People are outraged, they are disgusted….but, that’s abortion folks.  Does it matter if a baby is dismembered in the womb or out of the womb?  Is it less horrifying if the little baby is ripped apart while still within her mother?  I am glad this was revealed.  I think some people who are on the fence with the abortion issue will now rethink their position, and they need a leader to guide them to the truth.  But that is just one issue of many.  The dignity of life is waning along with faith in God.  He can clean all this mess, He can fix all of our problems, but we all have to want Him to.  If we had a leader who truely believed in Him and prayed and put himself aside and did God’s Will, we will see major changes, we will be the proud nation we once were.

That is why I chose this field of study.  I don’t know the specific direction, but I feel inspired to walk the blind path and trust the bricks will be laid in front of me guiding my way.  I may not see where I am going, but I trust Father will not let me fall, nor lead me astray.  I don’t feel like I’m in this major for me, there is something more, I just don’t know what it is.  It will be an exciting ride, I’m sure.  I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but I really do not like my job.  I am a bill collector and I much rather clean sewers than garnish another wage, or hear what a horrible person I am, or how I’m taking food out of childrens mouths, or any other number of nice descriptions of myself.  Little do they know how much I hate what I do, and I only do it because it is the only job I can get that pays enough.  One day, I spoke to a debtor who had cancer and was very gracious on the phone.  I accepted whatever payment arrangement she could afford, which wasn’t much.  I was very depressed about  my job that day and I’m sure she could hear the melancholy in my voice.  She, however, sounded cheerful, feeble, but cheerful at the same time.  When we were finished with our conversation, she thanked me for working with her, and then told me something I will never forget, she told me that although she is going through so many troubles and so much pain and suffering, she has no doubt at all that God has a plan for it all, that there is a reason for everything.  She repeated herself several times with a particular tone in her voice that sounded like she was telling me this for me.  It was as if she was telling me that my suffering has a purpose, that there is a reason for it.  How humbling, what suffering could I possibly have compared to hers?  I have heard this statement before and it never moved me, but when she said it, it was as if God was telling me this directly.  It is easier to go to work these days.  I never thought I would say this, but there really is a reason why we go through what we go through.  I believe I have this job for a reason, I believe I am going to college for a reason, I believe God has a plan for all of it, and not just me but everyone if we just believe.

{December 30, 2010}   Annulment Journey 22

Today my thoughts strayed into random contemplation.  I was sitting at my desk and the name Oskar Schindler crossed my mind.  On my break I looked him up on Google to learn more about him.  I remember seeing the movie, but that was all I knew.  He was a wealthy businessman who was a smoker, a drinker, a womanizer, a Catholic, and very charming.  I know God chose him to save more than 12oo Jewish lives during the Holocaust, but what I thought about today was…why him?  He was never rewarded financially, never honored in his lifetime, never became famous for his bravery; instead, he lost his fortune and died young.  However, he often spoke about the Jews he saved as “his Jews” and loved all of them.  He considered them his children and he fought and bribed, and risked his life to save them.  I’m brought back to the question, why him?  He was a typical rich tycoon who knew how to take advantage of an opportunity, knew how to charm anyone, knew how to party, and knew how to use his influence.  He once bribed an ss officer with a bottle to cognac if he refrained from shooting one of his Jewish workers (and it worked).  Of course God would choose someone like him.  Someone who possessed all of the qualities to bribe, entertain, and work around the ss officers.  Also, someone who needed to be saved just as much as “his Jews” needed to be saved.  In the end, he asked to be buried in Jerusalem so he can be with his “children”.  Amazing story.  True hero.  A hero who used charm instead of a sword, bribery instead of bullets, he was in the midst of a battlefield and business savy was his strategy and his money was his shield.  He could drink and smoke and play cards with the best of them.  He made himself resemble the enemy, but fooled them all along, and 1200 lives were saved.  He will be remembered forever.  World War II was a time for heroes.  Now is a time for heroes again.  Who will be the next to step up to the plate and answer the call?  There is a Holocaust going on right now, can you guess who the new victims are?  I’ll give you a hint, they number in the millions every year.  Here is another hint…just like what the Nazi’s thought of the Jews, these victims, too, are not considered people, also have no rights, also have no voice, also degraded to less than human, also considered a burden, an inconvenience….these new victims cannot voice their opinion about their slaughter…so who will?  I saw a picture of thousands of dead Jewish bodies from WWII tossed into a hole, as if they were nothing more than trash.  These new victims also have their bodies tossed into the trash (we don’t even degrade animals in such a way).  Okay, no more hints.  To all the Schindlers out there, now is the time…it’s your turn to go down in history.

{December 1, 2010}   Annulment Journey 21

The Fall Semester at BSU is coming to a close, Christmas around the corner, my husband’s annulment in the final stages, and I find myself becoming enveloped in a new sense of reality.  The status quo is changing in my life and family, and sometimes change can be…different.  I have two siblings that have gotten a divorce, which changed the atmosphere of Thanksgiving.  Every year I’ve been hosting this holiday and inviting my side and my husbands side of the family.  We had two less members this year, which reduced the total head count to sixteen adults and twenty-four kids, neatly tucked into my house filling their bellies with two turkeys and all the trimmings.  It was generally in good in spirit, however, there was a dark cloud that loomed over several of my guests.  As I delve into my school books and fill my days and nights with reading, thinking, working, and playing with my kids, I have been kept out of the loop with the goings-on in my extended family.  It’s been paying off, since I am on the Deans List for the first time in my life.  However, as I am losing myself into my own new routine, how much am I missing out?  Is it selfish of me to like the idea of being “out of the loop”?  If I’m not putting in the effort to retain a relationship with my extended family, would I lose them?  I have to think back to the time I was the one troubled.  I was in my early twenties, and it was during that time that I was the most…alone.  It seemed like if ever there was a time I did not have friends to call or family to lean on, it was during the times I needed them the most.  What I got out of it was, although very emotionally troubling, my independence that I would not have otherwise achieved.  It seems to me that it is a prerequisite to experience anguish and pain in order to gain something…why is that?  Am I the only one?  There are so many lessons I have learned from my past experiences that really could benefit a few members of my family, but they don’t listen.  It troubles me because they can really skip all the bull and take lesson from me, this way all that suffering I experienced would have more purpose.  But, as I think about it logically, some things must only be achieved through one’s own pain.  Another words, people have to make their own mistakes in order to learn.  I did it, and so will they.  Meanwhile, I’ll be kicking butt in school, work, and look forward to having my marriage blessed in the Church!

et cetera